A New Year's Wish

I received this message today from a friend I met in Japan. I don't know where it is from, but I like it.

Tempest-tossed souls, wherever ye may be, under
whatsoever conditions ye may live, know this - in the ocean of
life the isles of Blessedness are smiling, and sunny shore of your
ideal awaits your coming. Keep your hand firmly upon the
helm of thought. In the bark of your soul reclines the
commanding Master; He does but sleep; wake Him.
Self-control is strength; Right Thought is mastery; Calmness is
power.

Say unto your heart,
"Peace, be still!"

Milk

I saw the Gus Van Zant's film Milk the other day, and last night I watched the documentary, The Times of Harvey Milk. I cried during both--more during the documentary. I like biopics if they are well done and faithful to the truth. But documentary biographies seem to move me more these days. Both films reiterated Harvey Milk's exhortation to closeted homosexuals to "Come out!" I am not exactly closeted, but for any of my relatives or friends who do not know--I'm a gay man. In my life I have had one-night stands, brief romances, long-term relationships, and painful break-ups, pretty much under the radar when it comes to my family. I still suffer somewhat from a lack of self-acceptance due to a so-called "internal homophobia." I say, suffer no more. Happy New Year to all!

The Shooting

I just finished watching "The Shooting" on Netflix. It was directed by Monte Hellman and stars Warren Oates, Will Hutchins, Millie Perkins, and Jack Nicholson. It was excellent. I am becoming quite a fan of Warren Oates, who also had a leading role in Hellman's "Two Lane Blacktop."



I chuckled when I saw on the poster that this was "...the thinking man's western." But that's probably part of the reason I liked it so much.

Susan Sontag in the Snow

I'm still snowed in at my parents' house. It has been snowing again here for a couple of hours even though it's raining in other areas. I have to admit I am experiencing a bit of cabin fever and hope I can get back to my own place tomorrow. I read a bit about Susan Sontag on Wikipedia today. Among other things, I learned that she wrote with a polyphonic voice. So did William Faulkner in "The Sound and the Fury." Sontag also had interesting ideas about photography and its function in society. I am still thinking about her quote.

A Quote

Just read a quote that I want to remember and look into further:

"All forms of serious art and knowledge - in other words, all forms of truth - are suspect and dangerous." Susan Sontag

Hmm...

More later.

Christmas Day Pics

Another big Turkey dinner today. Whew, L.A. Fitness here I come!

Mom, Gary, and Lisa:



The beautiful Lisa solo:



Lisa and Pa:



Lisa and her baby boy:



The Caldwell family--Lisa, Laura, Steven, and Eric--They braved the snow and ice and drove all the way from Kalispell, Montana to be here on Christmas day:



Gary, with Ma and Pa:

Holiday Wishes!

Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me.

Making Merry

We had our family Christmas get together today in spite of all the snow. Regrettably, my sister Penny and her husband Andy couldn't make it down from their home in the Columbia Gorge due to the inclement weather. We missed them along with her son Daniel & his kids and Andy's daughter Holly & family. It's our tradition to have homemade clam chowder just before Xmas. We also had ham sandwiches on homemade rolls, potato salad, baked beans, several varieties of pie, and lots of cookies!

Here's Ma and Pa Mitchell just after a smooch:



My nephew Mario with his gorgeous mother, America:



My "little" brother David with Cindy, his wife:



Cindy's sister Lori:



My brother Gary with Mom and Aunt Georgia:



Me with the same pair in reverse:



America showing off her curve ball:



America with our nephew, niece, and a friend:



Buddies Sean and Aaron:




My brother David with angels Megan & Kaity:

A Real Snow Day

Brother Gary banged on my door early this morning and said we had to go out to our folks' place and help them shovel snow off their roof. I threw on my clothes and we headed out, the snow here still barely covering the ground. As we traveled easterly the snow got thicker and was falling more heavily. Still, there was nothing much on the road. It's always after that turn at Fargher Lake off of SR 503 that the real snow begins. Sure enough, the road was covered and it was coming down pretty heavily. My parents had about 18 inches on top of their gently sloping roof and with rain and freezing rain forecast, my father was worried that it would get too heavy for the roof to support. So Gary and I shoveled it off. It took about 3 and a half hours to get most of it and take care of the walkway in front. Our parents have peace of mind and there's no need for me to go to the gym today!

Snow Day

Clark County was under a severe weather alert today. Indeed, snow was falling at 8:00 this morning here in Hazel Dell. Just a dusting covered the ground, however, and it started melting around 1 pm as the temperature rose. It's expected to snow more off and on tonight and later in the day tomorrow. I had stocked up on food at Safeway yesterday so I wouldn't have to go anywhere today. I had bagels and cream cheese for breakfast and an early dinner of roast chicken, boiled red potatoes, green salad, baked beans and corn--the only thing I actually cooked myself was the potatoes. Plenty of leftovers for tomorrow. All in all, it's been a lazy day today, hanging around home and watching TV and movies. I'll try to get to the gym tomorrow and then head up my parents' house. I'm sure they have more snow where they are, so I might have to break down and put chains on my car.

Last Christmas

I wrote this parody last year to read at our extended family Christmas Party, which we held at the Fargher Lake Grange. My mother went to the party even though she was feeling quite ill. The day after the party she had to go into the hospital. My Aunt Joyce was also there, even though she was having health problems of her own. Mom is at home now. Aunt Joyce has been in and out of the hospital over the past year and her condition is very serious as I write this.

A Child’s Christmas in Amboy
by Bobby Lee Gaynor

‘Twas the night before Christmas,
and all the presents were fixed,
Ma and Pa said "Come on!
Let’s go out to Nick’s.
I’ll have an egg nog

and you your red beer--
Take our minds off of Santa
and his smelly rein deer."

We children were snoring in our little bunk beds
While visions of Christmas loot danced in our heads.
And Mama in her high heels and Pa in his hat,
Slipped out the back door past Lisa’s white cat.

When out on the lawn there arose such a fray,
I knew it was the sound of our blue Chevrolet,
Out of my bed I jumped like a light.
To see that old car vanish into the night.

The moon on the crest of the new-fallen snow,
Lit up my brothers on the bunk beds below,
I told them to get up and wake up the girls,
Now was the time to give our presents a whirl.

They lept from their beds so lively and quick,
Happy our parents had gone out to Nick’s.
Faster than lightning, we gathered our haul
Barbies, and Kens, and presents for all:

Here’s Lisa, here’s Carol, and something for Davy,
There’s even a box from Bud in the Navy,
Now, Philip, now Gloria, and here’s one for Penny,
Hey, how come Gary got so many?

Open them, open them, open them all,
Pile up the paper to the top of the wall!
Not for one second did we have any doubt,
That this was what Christmas was all about.

Then what to our wondering eyes did appear,
but a beautiful angel with a voice speaking clear:
Children, she said, I’ve a message to tell,
That will clear up your minds

and make your hearts swell.

The meaning of Christmas is beyond lights and trees,
It’s family and friendship and precious memories.
One day very soon you’ll quietly recall
Those aunts, and those uncles,

and how you loved them all.

A Christmas at Grandma’s, a snow-covered hill
A crisp cold night, unbelievably still.
And then you shall know this one fact at least,
That the treasures in life are but love and peace.

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
the angel flew suddenly through the roof to the sky,
Stricken with awe we watched her take flight,
Shouting, "Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night."

Now as real as that beautiful angel did seem,
It turns out my story is a winter’s night dream.
Before I could speak, I felt a hand on my arm
and heard my mother’s voice saying,
"Wake up, Bobby Lee, it’s Christmas morn."

I guess you can tell I’ve been up to my tricks,
‘cos nobody, on Christmas Eve at least,
goes drinking at Nick’s.

Stormy Weather

Mississippi Pizza by the slice was good last night. We heard two groups. One was playing "Old Music." This was the first time for me to hear this term. Henry said it is very popular in Portland. The second group was "Midnight Serenaders" and they played old time jazz. Henry plays Hawaiian steel guitar for them. My favorite song was a Billie Holiday number titled "Comes Love." I enjoyed both groups. I met a woman there named Emily who works in video production for a cable access program. She told me about some opportunities to take editing and camera classes for very low prices. I'm gonna look into them.

Today I was supposed to help Thea get a Christmas tree, but the freeways in Portland were shut down due to snow--about an inch on the roads. I'm sure people in places like North Dakota and Minnesota would be puzzled at how that amount of snow could paralyze a city. There wasn't much snow here in Hazel Dell, but my folks had 6-7 inches out at their place. They were snowed in and couldn't attend my niece Megan's birthday party.

I had Chinese take out for supper tonight. My fortune said "Your life will be prosperous if you use your creativity."

The Shape of Things

I was sore for two days after my recent workout. The second day was worse than the first. That shows what kind of shape I'm in. Most of the soreness is gone today--I'll try to go swimming later this afternoon. Tonight, I'm supposed to go Mississippi Pizza in Portland to hear my friend Henry's band play.

A Poor Theater

My niece Nicole and I went to see a play in Portland last night. It was titled A Story that Ends and Begins with a Dream. It was put on by a new theater company known as "The Working Theater Collective" at a venue called "Theater Fucking Huge." The space turned out to be the single-car garage of an older home. It had brick walls and was extended out into the driveway by a steel frame and tarp carport, where the audience sat. There was no heat, but blankets were available and it wasn't cold once the audience assembled. I think the group's use of the space was fantastic. I commend them for having the audacity and creativity to stage their play in a garage. They also used sound effects, music, and lighting very effectively. Kudos! I believe the piece was an original work by a talented writer. However, I can't say that I liked the play as a whole. The story was basically girl likes boy who likes another girl. It didn't dig deep enough into the psyche for my taste. The actors themselves were charming and enthusiastic and there were touching and humorous moments. But I like to see a deeper emotional connection to the material. Still, I like the group's energy, and they were very friendly when I asked to use the bathroom in the house. I will definitely be checking out their future productions.

Survival of the Fit

I finally made it to the gym today after about three months of inactivity. I have managed to swim about once a week during that time. I know that exercise is a key to my physical and mental well-being and I have been suffering from my indolence. Today I found that my stamina seemed to have decreased more than my strength. Still, I managed to get in a pretty good work out. Here is what I did:

5-minute warmup on the stairmaster at level '7'
3 sets of 10 push ups on ball alternating w/ 25 crunches on ball
3 sets of squat-curl-shoulder lift combination w/ 12 lb weights
3 sets of leg lifts at 50lbs
3 sets of leg curls at 50 lbs
3 sets of assisted pull ups 10 reps (I forget the weight)
3 sets of bench presses 10 reps (10 lb weights on the bar)
3 sets of walking lunges (12 steps) w/12 lb weights
3 sets of prone cobra (30 secs) alternating w/side crunches

I see fitness in my future!

Room with a View

My laptop computer sits on a small red table I brought up with me from L.A. The table has a thick formica covered top and silver chrome legs. I am sitting on a blue chair with a contoured plastic seat and back, also with silver chrome legs , also from L.A. I sit facing a window that is about six feet wide and three feet tall. Out the window I can see only sky, trees, a telephone pole and a few power lines slicing across the panorama. Directly in front of me is a sprawling pine tree with two tops. I like looking at it. In the distance, to the right of the pine tree, there is a line of evergreens outlining the hills. If I sit up tall in my chair, I can see a small white church with a steeple at the base of the evergreens. A few rooftops become visible and I can see a big yellow sign with large red letters. It is at an angle, so I can't make out what it says. If I lean to the right and look out to the left I can see a little of the I-5 freeway and a green sign. I see and hear a few cars, but it is nowhere near as noisy as my apartment on Fairfax Avenue in West Hollywood. I hear my brother Gary come up the stairs. When he gets to the top, he rattles the wrought iron guardrail. It's 9:30 in the morning and he thinks I'm still sleeping. He's giving me a little light-hearted harassment. I'm up!

It Takes a Village

This Thursday my mother is having her cousins Jan Pedersen and Butch Delano over for lunch. She's planning on having pork roast, cole slaw, biscuits and mashed potatoes with gravy. I went out to her house today to help her do some decorating and bake cookies. She has a kind of kitschy miniature Christmas Village that she puts out every year, although it has diminished in size in recent years. After finding all the pieces, she was tired so I set it up for her. Then I baked a few dozen chocolate chip cookies with walnuts. Food glorious food!

It's beginning to look a lot like...

Took my brother and his wife to the airport this morning. They were back in Montana by 2:30 in the afternoon. No having to deal with the long hours of driving and snow in the mountain passes, just a few bumps of turbulence along the way. Later I went over to Thea and Ema's house (Ema means "mother" in Estonian") near Milwaukie, OR. Ema made some spinach soup and pirokas for lunch. Pirokas are little pastries filled with meat and vegetables. They're my favorite Estonian food item, and Ema has promised to teach me how to make them. After lunch I helped Thea put up Christmas lights around their front yard on the tall shrubbery and rhododendron trees. It was cold and the bushes were damp, but it felt good to be doing light labor out of doors for a couple of hours.

Thea has been collecting information for me about theater activity in Portland, which I appreciate very much. She told me about a "Callboard" section in the Monday Oregonian that lists upcoming auditions. I was able to find it online, and it looks like it will be valuable. I feel like I'm just barely starting to get a glimmer of what is out there. In the Willamette Week, I found a listing for a company called the "Working Theater Collective" that sounds quite interesting. Their inaugural production is titled A Story that Ends and Begins with a Dream.

Rainy Day People

Today was a beautiful rainy day in Clark County, Washington. As I drove to my parent's house north of Battle Ground, the hills were shrouded in low-lying white mist. The evergreens stood out against it. I missed the Northwest weather when I was living in California. The last two years there were almost free of rain, and the air got dry and dusty. Once, when I was walking across a supermarket parking lot, I felt something plop on my head from the sky. I was afraid that a bird had let loose above me. Then I felt it again. I touched my head and felt moisture. It was a raindrop! Honest, it hadn't rained for so long that I forgot what a raindrop feels like. In my opinion, sunny weather loses its luster when it goes on without end. Colds are going around here, though. My friend Thea's mom was feeling quite poorly this week, then Thea, then me. I took some "Wellness Formula" pills that I got at Whole Foods and sprayed my throat with zinc. That seemed to do the trick as I'm feeling back to normal after only one day.

Freedom Isn't Free

Yesterday, I picked my brother Phil and his wife Becky up at the Portland airport. They flew all the way from Kalispell, MT for $13 each, since Becky's sister works for an airline. They were on standby, but managed to get a connecting flight leaving Seattle at 7 am. I was supposed to pick them up at 7:45, but I was 30 minutes late. My brother Gary has a set of the "Little House" books right outside his bathroom, and I got hung up in there reading "On the Banks of Plum Creek." The Ingalls family are distant cousins of ours, by the way. I took my brother and sister-in-law out to our parents' house. Later, we went shopping at the new Goodwill in Battle Ground, and I bought a bookcase for $7.99. In the evening, we went out for a free dinner at the Oak Tree Restaurant in Woodland. We had all been invited by a friend of my mother's. I had a sirloin steak with a baked potato, even though I don't usually eat beef. It turned out that in exchange for the meal we had to listen to a lecture and sales pitch on fire safety equipment. It was somewhat of a hoot. I thought it would be funny to make a documentary film of all the so-called "free" experiences you could have in a month.

You Better Let Somebody Love You

Did laundry today, mopped and vacuumed the floors. Then I went out and got a hair cut. I was going to leave it longer but Anna at Supercuts had other ideas. Next, I went to Goodwill to look for curtains, but found a cool lamp instead. I also listened to the Eagles song "Desperado" a few times today. It's speaking to me! At a very deep level. On my lists of wants, I forgot to add one thing. Yeah, I'm looking to have a significant relationship. I've got a feeling someone's on the way, and I'm ready as I've been on hiatus for way too long. Marie, the Venice Beach psychic who smokes Marlboros and cares for her mother, says seven to eleven months--7/11--ha! In the meantime, I'll listen to the Eagles and try to get to the gym.

Mr. Nobody

Yesterday afternoon, I went swimming with my friend Thea at Willamette View Manor. For those who don't know (and I was one of them) Willamette View is a retirement community. The water in the pool was a little warmer than I'm used to, but since it was cold outside I didn't mind. It only costs $2 to use the pool, jacuzzi, and locker room. I swam a mile, which is 48 laps in their pool. Later, Thea gave me a magazine for a local performing arts center that had information about about upcoming auditions and acting classes. I was surprised to see that they had acting classes for television and movies, as well as audition techniques. In Portland, Oregon! I felt like I was still in the heart of Hollywood, where I just moved from. I couldn't help thinking about the culture of celebrity that seems to have captivated America. Then, I thought of this poem by Emily Dickinson:

I'm nobody, who are you?
Are you nobody too?
There's a pair of us, don't tell!
They'd banish us, you know!
How dreary to be somebody!
How public like a frog,
To tell your name the livelong day
To an admiring bog!

Post Script:
I believe that artists deserve recognition for their work, even renown if it is merited. It just seems that in Hollywood the art of acting gets overwhelmed by a blinding focus on peripheral concerns such as head shots, auditions, casting directors, agents, and the like.

At the Movies

Went to the movies with my friend Steve tonight. We saw Chris and Don: A Love Story. It's a documentary about the 33-year relationship between writer Christopher Isherwood and his lover, artist Don Bachardy. Isherwood is most famous for his collection of short stories, Goodbye to Berlin, which became the basis for the movie Cabaret. My interest in Isherwood has been rekindled lately, after learning that he was a contemporary and close friend of Tennessee Williams. It is a beautiful movie on several levels. It celebrates the survival of love through major ups and downs and in spite of society's disapproval. It also pays homage to the integrity of these two artists, who refused to be dishonest in either their personal lives or their art.

This is the first time to see a movie since I've been back in the Portland area, and also my first time to go to Living Room Theaters. The complex is located downtown on 10th & Stark, just up the street from Powell's Books. It's unique because it has a very mod decor, HD projection, and you can eat and drink in the theaters--sorry, no smoking though!